home{heart}sick

"Everyday there's a [girl] in the mirror asking me what are you doing here?
Finding all my previous motives growing increasingly unclear."

{Homesick}Kings of Convenience

I've been in somewhat of a homesick funk this past month or two. It's a strange feeling, really. I feel torn. I miss my friends and family but I'm loving the environment in which I live in. Knowing that I may never get another opportunity to live overseas keeps me from going "home." My mind continues to question my reason for staying. My heart persistently evaluates my level of happiness. Is staying what I really want? Each time my heart and my mind come to the same conclusion...

I'm exactly where God wants me to be.

BUT. This understanding doesn't take away the heaviness in my heart from missing my people back home and the huge milestones that are taking place while I'm absent from their lives. It hurts knowing that their lives are moving along without me there, but I remind myself something bigger is at work here and there's a purpose to all this. It excites me to know that I'm a different person than the one who moved halfway around the world 7 months ago. Even though I don't have a clue what's next for me, there's a bit of adventure in the unknown. I'll continue to figure out and grow into the woman God has created me to be and love knowing that He takes care of me and loves me every step of the way.

"Sometimes I wonder where I've been,
Who I am? Do I fit in?
I may not win but I can't be thrown
Out here on my own."

{Out Here On My Own}Sarah Blasko